Christmas Day- Christmas Loss:

If you ever lost someone near the festive season you will know a pain that never really goes away, but it gets easier to live with. This inspired me to write an article about how to not let yours grieve or pain over shadow the time you have left with your other friends and family members. The article I am writing is focussed on grief not on trauma (trauma is the first few months after you lost someone close to you, grieving starts after trauma. Trauma is the helpless part, and if this is where you are at, please only try and apply this after a year or so when grief has kicked in. You will know because that will be the day you don’t start or end your day thinking about your loss)

As with all things what have helped me is first the realisation of the problem. In this case the solution as well. That I only have the people in my life borrowed to me. I still miss what I lost, but the second step after realisation was to decide to make the most of what I still have. The next step is as with any goal we decide on achieving. I wrote myself action steps.

1. List all the people I still have and am grateful for having.

2. Set out a time for each one this festive season.

3. What makes them feel loved? (Here you can look at Garry Chapman’s 5 love languages to help you determine their love language)

4. How can I make them feel special to me?

5. Then do just that.

It’s a simple plan, but so far very effective. Remember just because you don’t see someone on Christmas day, doesn’t mean you can’t share another time together as if it’s your Christmas (I am divorced and some Christmases I don’t see my child on that day). As a matter of fact, this makes the special time more authentic and that means that you are not limited to share love only on one day.

Take a special moment of remembrance in this time for the person you lost. This is something we do for yourself. (because grieve is love that doesn’t have a person to project that love on anymore). Remember you are also a person. Do things you love to do. The person you lost would want you to spend time on what you love, because they loved you. Self-love in this sense recharges your batteries, so that in the new year your cup is full, and you can give to others.

If you have a down day, it is okay to cry. Tell yourself it is okay to feel sad and at loss, but also tell yourself that you will not feel like this forever. This sadness too shall pass. I almost want to add to try and lose calendar days in this season. Because if you lose sight of what exact day all the fuss is accruing on you will live more in the present moment. There is healing in the present because God is in the present. That is why He calls us into his presence. May you also find the courage to face your 📷loss head on even if it hurts. This is the quickest way to heal not always the easiest.