Maturity @ Work:

I can’t remember ever writing an article about maturity, even though I have a theme in my self-study program on the topic. This theme is aimed at individuals and their relationships with spouses, children and other family members. So, I decided it’s time to address this topic but regarding the workplace, since I train wage earners on life skills, ethics and emotional intelligence.

The relationship structures between employer and employees is often a bit complicated, especially over time. In the beginning phases of the relationship, both parties come to agreements that seem very mature. It’s very similar to marriage relationships in the context that there is healthy boundaries, respect, trust and belief that the person can do what they are promising to do. But over time, because most people don’t really know that they can do what they promise to do, some boundaries are moved and the relationship becomes messy, it eventually turns into a child-parent type of relationship. Where one party tries to control the other and the other rebels in various forms. The result of the changes in the relationship structure is devastating to both parties and it influences the overall company culture. This doesn’t just happen in the workplace but even with and between spouses. Where eventually the one spouse becomes more like a parent and the other more like the child.

Here is the definitions or structures for the different maturity levels at play:

Child/Employee:

Child Defined: a young human being below the age of puberty or below the legal age of majority. A son or daughter of any age. An immature or irresponsible person.

Much like actual children, if an employee is acting in a child like manner, they will test all the employer and company boundaries (policies and procedures or rules). They ask about the boundaries often (remember clear boundaries makes everyone feel secure). E.g. not being on time for meetings or work, e.g. not handling equipment with care, or customers etc. They may act in inappropriate ways to get their needs met, they may feel undervalue, unappreciated, jealous over another employee, unheard by their leaders etc. this stems from and can lead to insecurity, distrust, dishonesty and rebellion. The only difference between employee children and actual children is that an employee can hide their true emotions, and they do so because nobody wants to admit that they feel insecure or unhappy. They will only talk about it if they feel they can trust you and it is safe to do so. Behaving in this way leads to the employee being parented even more so by their employer. Because this causes the leader to have to teach more and control more.

Parent/Employer/Manager:

Parent Defined: a person's father or mother. – in this case the one exercising all the control.

The employer parent maturity style is always in control and teaches, over manages and disciplines their employees too much. They teach in such a way as to force their perspectives on others. They tend to believe that they alone know what should happen. They don’t listen to their employees’ opinions. This means they turn their employees into employee children. That needs constant supervision, guidance and a lot of rules. In extreme situations they may even turn to threats and punishments to evoke fear in order to remain in control. This makes a leader lose influence over their team. Healthy respect is earned through influence not by force.

Adult (Where the relationship should be):

Adult Defined: a person who is fully grown or developed. A person who has reached the age of majority. Emotionally and mentally mature.

An Adult understands the following dynamics. That each person has their own unique perspective and values and purpose. They teach without forceful behavior but rather with a disciplined, consistent, emotionally in control influence build on rapport and mutual respect. They set healthy boundaries with others and listens in such a way as to make their team members feel heard, understood and respected. This builds trust, diminishes dishonesty and leads to a positive workplace culture. The employee would follow out of respect for their employer and the employer would value his or her employees regarding their opinions, views, needs and the way they communicate would reflect this. Disagreements would be resolved in a win-win style.

With a good communication session or two the relationship can be restored if both parties are willing to work on the level of maturity they are acting on with the other party. As with all conflicts the best way to approach this is by getting external, professional help.

Here are some tips on how to act with maturity in the workplace.

· Try to be transparent with each other, this breeds honesty. But still maintain healthy boundaries, don’t get too personally involved, in other words practice empathy and not sympathy. Exact word phrases to use for empathy: “I hear you are having a very tough time, what are you going to do about it?”

· Clear communication about everyone’s ability is very important. E.g. only promise to do things you are very sure you can do. If you can’t say you will try but are not sure that you can do it.

· Shift your focus on positive things, all our success in life comes from a positive mindset, even to regain respect for someone means you choose to in your thoughts believe only positive things about the other person. E.g. John did try his best to complete that assignment on time. E.g. My Manager did try to include the whole team in the process, including me. E.g. my employer really wanted to pay me a bonus, the circumstances just was not right this time. E.g. Jane deserves that recognition despite what anyone may say, next time it’s my turn Etc.

· Change your reaction or response, there are many ways to achieve this. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes mentally, see things from their perspective, if you don’t understand what they are experiencing, ask them. Another way is to actively choose to respond in a mature way, e.g. if you suspect you are being too controlling, ask your team members opinion. If you feel insecure or jealous, ask for what you need, or decide to self-actualize/ to honestly earn what you need.

I personally love seeing teams understand each other’s perspectives better, this helps them to turn back into the mature adult relationships they set out to have, that is why I love training wage earners, because I can see the growth and relief on their faces when they are finally being understood or when they finally understand. I love helping people reconnect and thus helping them to achieve their team goals. Maturity in the workplace is a truly beautiful thing.

Keep Improving

The Ameliorate Team

#maturityatwork; #teamwork; #employeetraining; #ethicstraining; #emotionalintelligence; #lifeskillstraining