Pudding Proof

As most of you following my blog and articles know by now, I am divorced. It is generally not considered such a big deal in our society anymore in comparison to a few years ago. Being divorced was very much frowned upon. The reason it is a big deal, at least concerning myself, is that I am also a mother of a 4-year-old boy and I am only 30 years old and have been single for a long time now. The idea of marriage terrified me up to very recently, because of all the what if’s.

I have decided to write this article that is about getting married and why it’s a great idea. Also, on a personal level, to look at what made me ready to reconsider the idea of marriage and to give my 10 sent on old fashioned behaviors and expectancy’s in marriage. This should probably shock a few people around me, since I also fall into the category of Millennia-list- which is said is a generation that don’t believe in marriage. (why buy the pig only to get a little sausage??)

Here is a list of benefits of getting married: (this said, obviously to the right person)

1. Married people are healthier and live longer (but I think it depends on the individuals – I am considered healthy in my lifestyle anyway)

2. You can increase your social influence and earning power when married. (but also consider the double the trouble if things go wrong part)

3. Children in married homes does better in life. (although being single frees up your time for your kids as well)

4. You don’t have to die alone (not that this bothered me at all, since most of us die alone regardless and I will be having fun as a crazy old lady, rallying up youngsters)

5. Being married makes you more attractive (because you seem desirable)

6. You can have better and more regular sex. (practice makes perfect-right?)

7. General happiness- a proven whopping 135% more happiness when married to being single, actually.

8. Self-improvement & Self-expansion- it’s hard work to be married but an advantage for personal growth.

What made me ready to reconsider?

1. Noticing the needs, I have, that I cannot self-actualise (no matter what I do, I will never actually be a man even if I can do the things they can do, its still hard to do them)

2. I made enough self-progress to identify and attract the right kind of person to marry. (understanding the invisible rules to relationships and knowing who you are helps you to become the person you are looking for is looking for)

3. Falling in love made me realise that marriage is a way to safe guard the relationship and ensure continued self-expansion. (we are safer in committed relationships and can be more vulnerable and a truer version of ourselves)

4. Wanting to give love more than wanting or needing to receive love. (marriage is not for the needy and desperate person- that’s why most people marry the wrong person)

My 10 cents on Feminism vs. old fashioned serving in marriage:

I read a Facebook post (“Tips to look after your husband- an extract form 1950 Home economics handbook”). And while most people who commented on the post seemed to me to be upset about the post, because it seems discriminating towards woman, I chose to see the tips as a form of love. I saw it to serve one another. In the handbook it did not say if the spouse treats you badly to still “look after them”. It did not say these tips are musts, as a matter of fact, it clearly says tips.

I would consider doing these things in a more modern context to better love my spouse. It seems like we have become so empowered we have forgotten how to love?

1. If he is tired let him rest (that is how Delilah got Samson.)- and the opposite applies as well. He offers you a shoulder to cry on, a backrub or small favours to let you rest.

2. To help with household chores is something both parties can share equally, since someone must do them. (and it’s proven that each individual always think they are doing more than the other, so why not start by always giving your best instead of judging your spouse on whether they are giving their best?)

3. To create a safe space for someone you love to open to you is being their friend. In marriage we should be best friends with our spouse.

I think if we can’t do these x3 things for someone then we maybe aren’t progressed enough to consider marriage and having a spouse all together. The lessons I learned through this research has given me hope to want to try again and I refuse to believe after all my hard work in becoming the best version of myself that I will make the same mistakes or attract the same problems as before, I have equipped myself in how to deal with the problems as they arise. The proof is as they say- in the pudding.