The Loneliness Epidemic:
- Annetha Kruger
- Oct 4, 2018
- 3 min read
Sadly, we live in a country and society where loneliness has become a very real and scary disease. The divorce rate in South Africa is very high at 51 percent, the children born in our country registered without fathers’ details are at 62 percent. To say family life has changed dramatically in our country over the last ten to twenty years is not an over statement. I grew up in an intimate and relatively close family. My father was a very entrepreneurial, authentic and caring man. He encouraged me during my first encounters with loneliness as a teenager. He taught me that its okay to be authentic, different and to not always fit in. Because I am very ambitious I created a life for myself where I prioritize work over a social life, leading me into a lonely life. I am a bit radical in my beliefs and struggle to build conventional relationships, thus my own social life leads me to investigate boredom or loneliness and to see what we can do about the consequences of what is happening in our society.
The Vanier Institute of the Family defines “family” as:
· Physical maintenance and care of group members.
· Addition of new members through procreation or adoption.
· Socialization of children.
· Social control of members.
· Production, consumption, distribution of goods and services.
· Affective nurturance – love
I found that not being in a conventional family can create boredom and loneliness as consequences, thus we need to become knowledgeable in the topics to counter their effects. Boredom is a feeling or emotion we experience because of a lack of stimulation. We want to do things we enjoy or are passionate about. But sometimes, we get stuck in a rut or become ungrateful for the things we used to enjoy because it no longer seems interesting or new. We try to counter these feelings with other activity’s that does not require much action from us, like scrolling on Facebook looking at what other people are busy with. Or some people even try to run away from their boredom with things that could lead to addictions…. Just one more cigarette won’t hurt right? Boredom helps us to want to change and leads to growth. But today people see boredom as a form of failure and hide from it. Loneliness is similar but definitely not the same as boredom. Loneliness is often not just the state of being alone, it is feelings that come from ourselves and it can affect everything in our life. It’s not easy to stop being lonely, it requires us to investigate why we feel lonely and to find out exactly what we can do about it. We can feel lonely even when we are surrounded by people we love, we can even feel the loneliest in our families. Avoiding feeling lonely can lead to addictions. Healthy alone time leads to creativity, finding yourself and personal growth.
I found a very cool quiz from Psych Central to help you see how and if you are lonely:
Here is how to beat boredom and loneliness:
1. Plan ahead to meet the type of people you want in your life. – what kind of people are you looking for?
2. Become visible enough so people would want to get to know you
3. Go on alone dates, go for a walk, drink coffee at your favorite restaurant etc.
4. While you wait to meet the people, you are looking for fill your time productively with things you enjoy like watching a movie, reading a book, writing etc.
5. Be willing to open up to people, you must be ready to share of yourself and then listen out for when people open up to you.
6. Get organised, the more organised you become the more you will be able to have time for the people you are looking for.
With the dramatic changes in our family life situations in our country, I want to encourage others to not make anyone around you feel like they are weird for being lonely, or even worse, to think that you aren’t possibly lonely yourself just because you feel popular at work or on social media. Having lots of friends or having a strong career does not mean you have people in your life that support you on a deep level. Loneliness has become a modern-day epidemic and we as a country and individuals are the only ones that can change this.
As Always, Keep Improving
The Ameliorate Team
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