Scary Stories, False Beliefs and Other Worries:
- Annetha Kruger
- Aug 5, 2018
- 3 min read
Fear, stress and negative beliefs are not something I was or am immune against, as a matter of fact, my father used to think that I was an extremely negative person. Because he was my safe space or the person I talked to about all my fears. He used to tell me that the things we are afraid of, rarely happens and if it does it’s not as bad as we think it will be. He taught me a matter over fearful mind approach. He was right by the way, I could never imagine a life without him until I had no choice. Although it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, I did find myself, a life without him, hope and even happiness again.
Years ago, after my divorce, I was terrified by stories of other people “losing custody” of their babies and children. It kept me up many nights, the reason I felt those fears was because I opened myself up to scary stories. These lead to negative thinking. Thoughts like how I am a terrible mother (even though anyone who knows me would tell you I am a great and loving mom). These thoughts turned into negative beliefs that at any moment someone judging my parenting style or my child’s behavior would report me to some authority etc. of course none of that was true. I was so scared I stopped training and disciplining my child for a long time- which in retrospect made the whole situation worse than it would have been had I realized and accepted that this negative belief was not true or grounded. I let my fears in a way create what I feared.
I used to be afraid of the dark, until one of my favorite mentors pointed out to me that I am in the same dangers in the light than I am in the dark. This helped me to change my thoughts about the dark, which changed my belief and today I am no longer afraid of the dark. I also do horse riding, I fell off a horse once because I did not understand the horse’s behavior and gave it wrongful instruction. Some people consider this a dangerous sport. For a while I let those stories and beliefs of others influence me, until I realized that I am in the same danger driving my car between all my appointments every day.
I used to have fears regarding poverty as well. Stories that led to thoughts such as, if I lose my job I would be living on the streets. Those fears lead to stress and almost burnout a few times. The truth was that the chances are very slim that I would be irresponsible enough to lose my job, lose my sources of income and thus to become devastatingly poor. I know of a whole group of people who lost their steady jobs in one day and they had not much say in the matter. The chances of losing everything we own is just as risky whether we live in a 2-bedroom apartment or in a mansion, whether you have a steady job or a budding business. Our risks regarding loss is about the same.
How do we change our worrying thoughts?
1. First realise that control is an illusion- we only have control over ourselves.
2. Write your worry down, then write possible solutions for the things you are worried about.
3. Write down the best that could happen as well as the most likely thing that could happen.
4. Realise that no matter what your future holds, you will be there to manage any outcome.
5. Spend time with positive people that would encourage you to hold on to your dreams and onto hope.
6. Look for the humour in tough situations- humour helps us to let go of negative thoughts easier.
7. Decide that even though you may feel scared you will face your fears.
8. Look at past similar situations that turned out well and realize that if you did it before, you can do it again.
The things that scare us rarely is really that scary. Normally we choose to see it worse than it may be. It’s all about your perspective, thoughts and beliefs. Don’t let your thoughts turn into negative beliefs. Change your thoughts into positive thoughts before you allow yourself to believe negative things.
Keep Improving
The Ameliorate Team
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